We’re not saying we’re the funniest people on the planet… But we’re basically the funniest people on the planet. Don’t believe us? You’re about to. Here’s the best festive dad jokes to ever be created…
What do snowmen call their kids? Chill-dren.
What do you call a bankrupt Santa? Saint Nickel-less.
What do you call someone who’s afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride? Holly Davidson.
What do Santa’s elves go to school to learn? The Elphabet.
Who is Santa’s favourite singer? Elf-is Presley.
How can you tell snowmen apart from snow women? Snow-balls.
What did one snowman say to the other? Do you smell carrots?
Why did Frosty the snowman want a divorce? His wife was a total flake.
What kind of cars do elves drive? Toy-otas.
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsellitis.
What do reindeer use to decorate their Christmas trees? Hornaments.
And finally, the best of them all…
What do you call Santa’s most impolite reindeer? RUDEolph.
Wow. Can you believe we basically invented Christmas jokes? You’re welcome.
We have more than clarified that we are absolute die hard Blink 182 fans. But, In case you forgot, let’s reiterate some comments from our last article about them. We all have equal nostalgia for the good old days; Matt Skiba freaking ROCKS; Mark Hoppus is the dad we always wished we had; and Travis Barker is the best drummer this side of the 2000s. We are also learning to love band’s growth and progression. Yes, even as pop punk snobs.
Now that we have made that clear, let’s talk about the new album! Blink 182’s ninth studio album titled NINE (which we can’t help but believe Hoppus had to be a part of considering it’s obvious dad joke nature.) Released on September 20th 2019 through Columbia Records this album is dope, and we are about to tell you all about it.
Perfect Punk Rock Trio
It’s not easy to pull off a trio as perfectly punk rock as Blink (honorable mention Green Day). We think new era Blink does just that as they provided us with plenty of insight into the new album’s sound. Releasing five unique singles over the past weeks has given us lots to look forward to. Hopefully you’ve read our full review on “I Really Wish I Hated You” and found out the many reasons why we adored it. Maybe you agreed, maybe not, and that’s okay because this album has a sound to satisfy everyone.
Songs like “Darkside” and “No Heart to Speak Of” have a lovely display of our homie Matt Skiba’s angelic, angsty, practically perfect vocals (I’m sweating.) “Happy Days” is classic Mark, a catchy playful pop punk sing along. This album displays that not only has Blink 182 evolved as a whole, but that they are cool with this new direction (YES, OWN THAT SHIT.) If out of those five you haven’t found a single to bop along to, don’t give up on our boys just yet.
Some parts of this album might even send you into a nostalgic fit. One filled with liberty spikes, checkered vans, and your favorite pair of jnco jeans. But in a cool way, one that is not straying too far away from new age Blink.
Showcase Of Skills
The tour which wraps up today has been absolutely vital to this particular album. Why? Um HELLO, did you forget our favorite faux father-son relationship with Neck Deep? You better not have. Or we’re gonna tell. Plus, we can’t help but think maybe Blink was trying to recruit some fans outside of their normal element when listening to these tunes. Which we believe was a factor in their decision to bring Lil Wayne aboard.
If you were lucky enough to catch this tour than you know how much Blink STILL rips. If you didn’t get to see this tour, well we feel bad for you. Let us tell you, they made sure to give each member of the band an opportunity to showcase their perfected skills. Playing a set list full of oldies to satisfy our cravings for pre-Tom departure memories along with our favorite new jams helped up the ante for our excitement of this album. Because what’s more hyping than knowing first hand how good a song sounds live.
This full track list of killer hits sticks to what they know. So you’re in for an abundance of energy, lyrics that hit home, paired up with tempos that are so sick you better call a doctor (There’s your dad joke, Hoppus.) Plus it’s hella catchy!
“I Guess This Is Growing Up”
So we are here to say, it’s time to grow up and stop being so pretentious. Give this album a chance. There is a full money back guarantee that you’ll have no choice but to blast at least one (or two, or three, or ALL) of these jams. Whether it be while you’re dancing alone in the shower, power jamming on the guitar, or singing along with all your comrades at your favorite local dive.
Stream it on Spotify, Apple Music, or cop that album in stores. Appreciate the new version of Blink while staying true to your pop-punk roots.
WE SAID this album was going to be dope, and we were right. They are proud of it, and we are too.